Unexpected Reminders

I just watched the saddest movie ever. The Boys Are Back with Clive Owen. It's about a man who loses his wife in a brief fight with cancer and tries to raise his 7 year old son on his own. Turns out he also has a teen son from another marriage who comes to live with him at the same time. He has such a hard time adjusting to the change, the loss of his wife, and having to raise his son.

It was so hard to watch because it made me think of how my dad felt when we lost our mom and he still had us boys to raise. I could relate to the feelings of the movie so closely. It was rough.

The boy was always saying he wanted to be outside so his momma could look down on him from above. That made me think about all the time I love to spend outside.

Been nearly 5 years and I still hate those unexpected reminders of past struggles.

Love ya mom.

Those tough times

I hate those little reminders that pop up out of no where and strike you right in the heart strings.

Graduation is getting ever closer and it's a stressful time, with classes wrapping up, graduation impending, moving soon, and starting a new job, a lot has been going through my mind.

Today I sat down to write a thank you letter to send to all those who have influenced my life over the years. Obviously I cannot send this to everyone, but many who come to mind. So I began looking up addresses and sifting through the pile of cards and letters I have collected over the past few years. This reminded me how my mother used to send cards and letters spontaneously to people just because she could. It was her way of ministering to the sick and shut ins and just letting people know she cared.

It struck me hard just to think that she will not be here in the coming weeks to see me complete college and get started in my first real job. It's gonna be hard. I will try to not take it out on my step-mother because I know she loves me deeply and cares for me just as if I were her own, but it' tough not seeing my mother here.

My prayer today is that I can make it through this transition and that I am making the right choices that my mother taught me to make.

"Whatever comes our way, whatever battle we have raging inside us, we always have a choice. It's the choices that make us who we are, and we can always choose to do what's right."

Once again I am reminded...

No matter the days gone by
The stories that make a song
There is always that goodbye
That was held too long

There will always be that pain
that guilt that cuts like a knife
She was taken long before her time
But not before so many were touched by her life

There was the thousand that came
To show their respect
Though none of us knew what to expect
Just one life could be missed no more

She left a husband and three sons

One with no one to cling to
One without a clue
The other without their closest confident

Its hard to imagine
Till it happens to you
Till you lose that person
That means so very much

She had a smile for all
A card for the sore
A visit for the old
As always, a worker to the core

That woman stood for what she believed
Standing behind her husband
Raising her sons to be a step ahead
All while keeping an eye on that finish line

That woman was my mother
My very best friend
No other can compare
Or even dare to replace

She was my comforter, my strength
My driving force for so long

The last I saw of her
She was shedding a tear for me
Not of sadness or fear
But of joy and peace
For her little boy is all grown up
And becoming that cattleman she always knew he could become.

That's my mother up there in the sky.
And one day soon, I shall meet her there
For that joyful day I shall look for
The meet her and Jesus I have waited so long

It's the road I have traveled
That makes this life worth every bet
But to know I have that goal ahead
Makes it worth that sunset ride

A Thank You

I was asked to write a short note on what impact 4-H volunteers had on my life and my success.

I spent over 10 years in 4-H and the whole time I was surrounded by people that volunteered their time and put much effort into supporting us kids and our activities. It was a wonderfully enriching experience that has given me priceless experiences. But the real affect the adult leaders had on me was not realized until my last year as a 4-Her. I realized that these people become family. During the worst week of our lives, my family and I had the support of so many friends. The loss of my mother was something unimaginable and tragic, but it is amazing what tragedies bring about. I found out that all the 4-H leaders in my life were not just there for 4-H activities. It meant so much to see these people supporting my family in hard times.

It is thanks to everyone that I knew through 4-H that I was able to go to college in spite of all the reasons not to go. I have now moved to Oklahoma State University and will be graduating May of next year. I attribute much of my success in college to my 4-H experiences.

4-H leaders contribute so much of their time enriching the lives of youth in their communities. Sharing their knowledge and experiences, these people do not realize how much of a difference they make in these kids' lives. I want to give a big thank you to all 4-H leaders for making such a big difference.

Always Present

The following is written by a friend:

Finger slips and I tumble to rocks ledge
Bruised, I stood and climbed that mountain peak
Ray light fades as twilight sets in so I stop to think
Till this happened I never had to seek...

Pondering the meaning of one life
the power that one touch can hold
remembering those callused hands sends shivers down my spine
Protecting against this night of cold

Looking up as to see that face
Smiling because the vision's clear
Not happy but rather content
To still hold this memory dear

You taught me to never give up when life takes you down
To hope when all dreams are lost
To laugh through a stream of tears
And that true love has no cost

I can see my mother standing proud
Watching over her little boy from up there
Knowing that she made me who I am today
And talking with the Lord's Angels with plenty of stories to share

Because of this great woman
I take this gift of life day by day
Taking care of the meek and poor
And guiding those that have gone astray

She lives in the hearts of those who loved her
And will forever have left a mark
Because she cared for those around her
While giving many lives their first spark

For tonight, I will stop what I'm doing
And save my journey for tomorrow
Rest my mind on a happy thought
Having no room in my heart for sorrow.

-Kalin Jenkins