It's a long trip alone

From February 8, 2007:

Its a long trip alone. A short piece of time. I think about this song and I really don't know what to do. Things happen. Things change. People come and go. Life and Death. Is it really possible to live your life to the fullest? I mean seriously can we really do everything that we think that we need to do? If we were able to do that we could change the way that some things happen. Maybe we could keep the bad things in life from happening. I think about this everyday. Ever since I lost my mother, I have always asked myself, why did I have to come to Fayetteville a week early? Why could have I not just stayed home an extra week like most other people? But you know what, as much as I want this to change, I can't do anything about it. Things happen, you lose you best friends, but we all become stronger people because of it. There ain't a day that I don't think about my mother. She was my best friend, and I lost so much when she died. I was hurt so bad the God would take her away from me. She was the one person that I could turn to and the one person that was ALWAYS there to help me out and support my ambitions. I have realized that so many things are different now. I can't go one day without wishing there was something I could have done differently. But I know that even though my mom was killed by the very thing that I have done all of my life, she died doing something that she loved. She was the true definition of a cowgirl. She was always right in there with the rest of us guys sorting and working cattle and riding the horses. It was something that she loved with a passion and I know that she died doing the thing that she loved. That helps give me a little comfort in times of grief, but I still can't get the picture of what happened in that barn that day out of my mind. Everytime I am sortin cattle, I feel the pain. She would be in the alley catchin cattle everytime we were sortin. She would give shots quicker than most of the guys. Hold that bulls tail for the castratin longer than most of the guys that work for us. Will I ever be able to work with cattle the way I used to? Will I ever be able to deal with the pain to the extent where I can move on with my life? Heres to my mom. The cowgirl. That grew up as a city girl, but learned the art of being a true cowgirl with a passion. The person that taught me so much about life and responsibilities. Everytime I hear Garth Brooks Song - That girl is a cowboy, I know that is all about what my mom was. A cowgirl. My Hero. Because she did what she loved and worked so hard for the ones she loved and did so much more than we will ever know. Here's to you mom.

I want to say THANK YOU SO MUCH for everything every has done to help me out through this.