Missing You

From September 9, 2007:

Why can it never be easy going through life? There are always going to be things that are going to bring you down. Days that will remind you so much of people that you have lost. Rainy days are the worst. Right up there with the stressful days. It is always hard to not just flat out quit and crawl into bed. It is always the little things. Words people say. Places you go. Movies. TV Shows. Things you used to do together. Things you grew up doing and she was always there with you. You never learn that you truly must grow up and make yourself progress until you loose the one that helped you do that. It has been almost 13 months, and there are times when it seems I am only going backwards. Slipping farther into the grasp of the darkness and solitude. I may try my best to hide it from time to time, but there is always someone who can see it. But they don't always mention it. It is in these times, the smallest gestures mean the most. And I am so thankful because I know those people can see that I need it. As I have to go home the next two weekends, I know I am dreading it. My dad is getting married, and I am not going to be able to handle it. I will need that shoulder to lean on. So I hope that she will send that person to me. Until its all over, I am just hoping to get it over with, so it can all be said and done.